06 Dec Who’s At Your Table? Preparing for the Holidays

Hi there!

The holidays are here, and with them come moments around tables—moments that can stir joy, grief, anxiety, or even a mix of them all. Who’s at your table this year? Who’s missing? Or maybe, like some years, it’s just you?

The table is a powerful symbol of the holiday season. It typically features a spread of food and brings people together, but it can also highlight losses, tensions, unmet expectations, and other challenging circumstances.

I recall this one holiday when I was at a party, enjoying the camaraderie, music and laughter, and I noticed a father with his three daughters. He had just given them all gifts of matching leather jackets (Yes, I’m dating myself!). While they laughed and posed, a wave of sadness hit me. I suddenly missed my dad—someone I’d never had that kind of relationship with.

A dear friend noticed and gently asked, “You’re missing your dad, aren’t you?” His words opened a sudden floodgate of tears. My father had been gone for ten years, yet it felt fresh in that moment. That night, I realized two things: I was grieving the relationship I never had, and I was grieving his absence. Still, it became a turning point—a moment (at a table) to acknowledge and release what I had been carrying.

Navigating your table this holiday

This reflection reminds me to approach the holidays intentionally. Here are a few thoughts for navigating your table, whatever it looks like this year:

1. Pay attention to who’s present (and how)
   Who’s at your table, and how are they showing up? Are you approaching the gathering with laughter and joy or tension and self-protection? Are you ready to embrace what the table offers, or are you bracing for difficult interactions?
2. Plan ahead for emotional moments
   We can’t control others, but we can manage how we respond. A little preparation can go a long way in helping us handle stress or conflict.
   – Practice coping skills ahead of time—mindful breathing, radical acceptance, or grounding techniques, to name a few (see brief explanations below).
   – Visualize potential scenarios and rehearse your responses. It might sound odd, but imagining the emotions in advance can help you feel more prepared when they arise.
3. Choose one (or more) coping skill(s) to practice
   Here are a few ideas:
   – Mindful breathing: Slow, deep breaths to stay grounded.
   – Radical acceptance: Acknowledge reality without judgment.
   – Self-soothing: Use your senses—listen to calming music, light a favorite candle, or hold something comforting.
   – Safe-place visualization: Picture a space where you feel secure and calm.
   – Coping thoughts: Remind yourself, “I can handle this moment.”
4. Rehearse and refine
   If you’re anticipating a tough moment, imagine it step by step. Practice using your chosen skill(s) until it feels natural. It might not make things perfect, but it can help you stay grounded and respond in line with your values.

The table will always have stories to tell—of who’s there, who isn’t, and how we show up. With a little preparation, this year’s table can be a place of peace, even amid challenges. That’s my prayer for you this holiday season.

Wishing you calm and joy this holiday season,

Juliet Walters, LMFT-S
Co-lead Counselor
Mosaic Church Counseling