29 Apr Staying Present in the Midst of This Pandemic

When will this end? How soon can we get back to normal? What will life look like after COVID-19?

All questions I have heard and asked myself. The first few weeks we were all in panic mode, buying, stockpiling, preparing for the worst. It’s a few weeks later, and the routine of life with COVID-19 is taking shape, and WE DON’T LIKE IT.

We are in one of two places- the past or the future. Wishing and hoping for life to return to what was familiar, or trying to predict the future and prepare for it.  We engage in unfruitful thoughts that keep us stuck and unable to effectively respond. We believe: bad things should not happen to good people; we can undo the past with the knowledge we have now (woulda, coulda, shoulda); if we had taken a different action, we would have had a better result; or, we are not taking into account the situation and overestimating our power to influence the outcome.

Where these two locations are not, is in the right now. A major strategy for coping with life stresses is ACCEPTANCE. This means accepting what happened, exactly as it happened without wishing it should be different. Sure, accepting the reality of our life sounds like it should be easy. But, we will never be able to create the right reality if we aren’t willing to let the wrong reality go.

Why is this important? Because it is only in the present, the right now, that we can effectively deal with COVID-19. With ongoing stress, some common emotions are fear, horror and helplessness. Our brain then focuses on survival. We ruminate on what happened to change the outcome. We play out what-if scenarios, anxiously trying to prevent it from happening again. However, by not accepting reality, as it is, we miss opportunities to effectively respond in the present. Here and now, present time, allows us to pause, scan our environment and determine the best way to respond to what’s happening.

First, we must tell ourselves the truth – about right now. Are we safe right now? If not, what do we need to do right now to be safe? 

1. Scan your body and identify the sensations you are experiencing. When we are experiencing stress we tend to tighten up, to hold our breath, to not exhale. Maybe we can do a slowed breathing exercise.  We inhale through our nose for a count of 4 and we exhale through our nose for a count of 8, and Repeat 3-4 times. Think of this as giving yourself an internal HUG, allowing us to release the stress and tension we experience.
   
2. Next scan your emotions and observe what you are feeling right now. Dig a little deeper for the softer emotions underneath: feelings of anger may be connected to feelings of sadness, hurt, loss, fear, disappointment, etc. By naming them you are acknowledging them. By acknowledging them you can choose how to react.
   
3. Likewise, scan your thoughts and notice what you are thinking. Do you notice any themes of regret, disappointment, denial or waiting for something better? These thoughts keep us in the past or project us into the future, without allowing us to deal with the right now.
   
4. Or, we can also say to ourselves, “I am here and this is now!” This statement will help ground you to the present.  Another way to ground you to the present is to pause, scan your environment and then describe using what you see, hear, or feel (list all the colors; identify the sounds; notice cold, hot, hard, soft, textures, etc.).
   

And if you are saying to yourself, “Well, Juliet, it’s easy for you to say, because you don’t know what I am going through”; you would be right. I do not know what you are going through. However, what I do know is that if we are not living in the here and now, we are saying to the brain that the future is dangerous and something to be feared. 

Ultimately, what does God say about your situation? As believers, we have a higher authority that says what our reality is. God, your Creator says He loves you and He will not leave nor forsake you. Your Creator says He can and will make every situation for your good. God says fear not. God says let today’s trouble be enough for today and don’t borrow tomorrow‘s trouble. Your Creator says every day, He WILL provide what you need. I think about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years and each day He provided manna from heaven. Although they tried to hoard or store up for the next day, they couldn’t. And each day, every day, for 40 years, God provided enough for them. 

Finally, with this truth I confess and encourage myself. We can’t go back to what was because the past is over. Therefore, the truth is, what we are doing today will set us up for the future. The truth is, if we miss it, God’s got it and He’s got us and His purpose for HIS creation will be fulfilled. 

Be blessed,

Juliet Walters, LMFT