24 Sep Learning a Better Path (Men’s Retreat) + Meet The Source

It started with a crash! (as most things do when you have a toddler). Seven years later, I have no clue what the incident was, but at the time, my three-year-old did something he wasn’t supposed to do—something monumentally bad.

Being the “good” dad that I am, I immediately set him straight—unfortunately, there may have been some yelling involved. I needed my son to correct his behavior as soon as possible. So, I rebuked him. Then… my dad rebuked me.

See, at the time, my parents were living with us, and my dad had witnessed a pattern of behavior in me he didn’t particularly like. He didn’t like it because it reflected on him and everyone before him. I would get upset with my kids, and if what they did was bad enough, my voice would elevate. It wasn’t always pretty. After the incident was over and the kids went to bed, my 6’4”, 230lb, US Army Veteran, sharpshooter of a dad said to me, “I wish you wouldn’t yell at them.”

I paused. My heartbeat seemingly came to stop, and I allowed myself to regain the air that was sucked out of the room. I looked to my father, and I had nothing to say. There were no words that would be fitting.

So, he continued, “You know, I didn’t have my father around to teach me these things, so I got a lot wrong with you, your brother and your sisters. I didn’t have someone I could go to about being a parent, about how to be a good dad, about raising a son. Although you turned out great, I wish I could have done some things differently. Learn from my mistakes. There’s another way to do this; you don’t have to yell at your son.”

I sat in stunned silence—unable to do anything but nod. I thought back to my grandfather whom I never met, because he died when my father was 15. Then, I thought about my Dad and how fortunate I was to have a loving father correct me. He was talking about the advantage I had with him sitting right in front of me. Crazy enough, I had no clue he only had three more years on this earth. Then, I thought about my namesake and how I could pass on the pain and trauma of previous generations,

or…

I could break the pattern.

Proverbs 4:1 says, “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.”

Would I heed my father’s instructions? In that moment, I resolved to find another way. Sure, there are times when kids are kids, and their behavior warrants a yell and a stern look. But, for the most part, I cut out the yelling and screaming that so many of us have seen in our own families. For some of you, it may be yelling and screaming. For others it may be an abuse or another trauma that haunts your memories.

We all have something in our past that has lied to us and told us we can’t be conformed to the image of Christ. Something attempts to block us from becoming emotionally mature adults.

But there are ways to be better, and for the men in our church, we have a huge opportunity to talk about ways to combat those things and grow into emotionally mature adulthood.

I would like to invite you to join us tomorrow in our Mosaic Student Center at 9:00 am as Pastor Morgan and Pastor Alvin talk to us about what it looks like to be an emotionally healthy man. Just like my father was showing me, it’s independent of physical stature or perceived manly prowess. It’s the ability to let God speak to you through others who have gone before you and can point to a better path.

It’s not too late to sign up to participate in a time of worship, encouragement, activities and breaking bread together. For those who have great fatherly examples and for those who don’t, we can all meet the transformational power of God in a moment like tomorrow. Don’t miss this opportunity. Click on the image to sign up.

Pastor Keivon

P.S. The Source is a full-service women’s health clinic that exists to support, care for, and equip women by providing high-quality, whole-person health services. This Sunday, their mobile clinic (aka, bus) will be at our church. Their staff will be available to provide tours and share information about what they offer as an organization compelled by the love of Christ.