13 Feb Discussion Guide: Where Can Wisdom Be Found? Week 5
Prayer
Take the first 10 minutes of your time together to listen to what God is doing in one another’s lives and pray for any specific needs people in your group may have.
This week we continue our series Where Can Wisdom Be Found. This week we will be taking a specific look at the Wisdom Literature of Scripture as it specifically pertains to relationships, marriage and sex. We will see that God’s wisdom when it comes to sex and relationships is both more liberal and more conservative than anything our culture can come up with.
Discussion Questions
Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
“Nine Things You Shouldn’t Say on a First Date.
1. You’re wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where’s the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother/sister.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that. or My mom has a dress just like that.
7. That man/girl is hot. Look at him/her.
8. You’re going to order that? Seriously?
9. You’re how old?”
What has been your best, or worst, ever dating experience?
What do people tend to look for when choosing the person they want to marry? Is that a wise thing or a foolish thing? Why?
How do yo know when you’ve met that “special someone”?
Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods
“If you get married as Jacob did, putting the weight of all your deepest hopes and longings on the person you are marrying, you are going to crush him or her with your expectations. It will distort your life and your spouse’s life in a hundred ways. No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all it needs.”
It’s not that you should try to love your spouse less, but rather that you should know and love God more.”
How would you describe the difference between the Biblical purpose for marriage and the way our culture tends to see the purpose of marriage?
The cultural perspective on marriage is pretty much the exact opposite of the purpose marriage is given in Scripture. Our culture approaches marriage as a commitment you make to another based on what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t require too much of you. The cultural purpose of marriage is mostly self-seeking. It’s meant to provide you with companionship, sexual monogamy, financial security, happiness, etc. The purpose given in Scripture is not for the pursuit of your own happiness or pleasure, but instead for the glory of God and joy of others. The Biblical understanding of marriage is a sacrificial commitment you make to another to love that person, support that person, provide for that person, for better or for worse, until death do us part. It is meant to reflect the relationship commitment Christ has made to His bride, the church.
How would you describe the difference between the Biblical and cultural view of sex?
The difference in views when it comes to sex is just as opposite one another as when it comes to marriage. Sex, according to our culture, is simply an appetite, an extracurricular activity, or just a means to see if you’re compatible with someone, if you could spend the rest of your life with that person. Kind of like taking a test drive in a car. If you don’t like the way it feels then you just go test drive another vehicle. The Bible’s explanation of sex, however, is that it is a gift God has given to one man and one woman in the covenant of marriage and is meant to bring unity between husband and wife as well as to remind one another of Christ’s love for us. It is the complete giving of yourself to your spouse in every way possible.
How has our culture’s view of sex affected us as individuals? How has it affected marriages in our nation?
The cultural view of sex has completely destroyed us as individuals and our marriages. Pornography, as well as the pop-culture portrayal of casual sex and hooking up, have created this unreal expectation in our minds both when it comes to what we think sex ought to look and feel like, but it has also put unreal pressure on us to look a certain way, perform a certain way and be a certain kind of sexual partner. The fantasy our culture has painted to look like normal reality is unobtainable and therefore we can never live up to those expectations. The result is that we are continually discontent with the way we look and becoming more and more desensitized to the true arousal we ought to experience when we do sex the way God has designed it. Therefore, our culture has lost any sense of true intimacy because sex has become virtually completely void of being built on truly knowing your spouse in every way he/she can be known, and has been built on a total facade.
Song of Solomon 7:1-9
How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses. How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.
What relational context would you say would be conducive for the most fun, deepest intimacy, most honest communication and best sexual experience?
The best relational context is a relationship where you can be completely vulnerable and honest without the fear of shame or rejection, where you know you are loved unconditionally and desired more than any other person.
How does the Gospel allow us to be that kind of person in that kind of relationship?
The Gospel tells us that at our worst, the King of the Universe, the perfectly loving, beautiful and most powerful being in the Universe, has called you His own and has loved you with a never ending, never giving up kind of love. When you know you are loved like that by a God like that then you no longer need the affirmation or approval from any other person, including your spouse, to make you feel loved. And, when you don’t need those things from your spouse then you can give those things unconditionally to your spouse and love him/her in a way that they feel no shame and no rejection. This creates an atmosphere conducive for joy, laughter, unity and true intimacy.
How does the Gospel empower us to stand firm when tempted to treat relationships, marriage and sex the way our culture wants us to?
Closing Thought
Dr. Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
”If God had the gospel of Jesus’s salvation in mind when he established marriage, then marriage only ‘works’ to the degree that approximates the pattern of God’s self-giving love in Christ.”
How can we do relationships and marriage in a way that puts the glory of God on display for the world to see?